2015. Week 4.

(part 3 of Untitled  AKA "A Web of Lines" AKA "Single at 42")


User name established. Profile complete with the most attractive aspects of your personality. Perfect man described. What else could there possibly be in getting this thing rolling?  The pictures. Yet another test of your confidence and/or ego and/or insecurity. It must be done. But what image do you choose? If you care at all, this too can be debilitating. You want to put your best foot forward, so you scour through hundreds of digital folders looking for just the right one. It has to be just the right angle (god forbid that double chin shows).  It really should be recent. And by recent, I mean anytime with the last year, not in the last decade. If you don’t think people change that much in 10 years, go on a date with someone who posted that great shot of them in Cancun for spring break only to find out that spring break was in 1990 and that those sexy blond highlights have given way to nature’s highlights - grey. It’s not a bad thing, per se, but is certainly a bait and switch. Ideally, you should use more than one photo, showing different aspects of your personality, life or interests. A mailing one and a serious. You really want to give you potential the mate the full gambit of you.

I tend to have more shots where I’m serious. It’s for no other reason that that aforementioned double chin (which I have pretty much always had, by the way). When I smile in photos, it becomes the photo. Who cares about how great my hair looks or if my make-up was spot on or if my skin looks great? None of that matters in the face (pun intended) of that stupid double chin. Yes, it's completely vain, and I'm completely aware. But, best foot forward and all that. I do have one smiling photo up at all times, though. You know, it’s protocol. Inevitably, someone does comment on the serious photos, “Why so sad?”  Maybe because I have to deal with people asking me ridiculous questions like “Why so sad?” all the time in my hunt for my forever love. Maybe that’s it, but I’m just stabbing in the dark here. I'm not sad, I'm just not smiling. Am I supposed to walk around grinning like a Cheshire cat 24 hours a day so people don't think Im sad?

You may have noticed that I said, “If you care” earlier. That was quite on purpose. There seem to be quite a few men out there who think that any old photo is a good enough photo. That picture of you with your ex-girlfriend/wife? Not cool. The one with you half naked? No one wants to see that. The one of you in your  raggedy 20 year old sweats? Um. No thanks. The one with you in you tube socks and sandals with your elderly mom sitting around a camp fire drinking brews and roasting marshmallows. Um. Quadruple no. (that was completely, 100%, honest to goodness, real photos that someone posted. I’ll say he left an impression since I have yet to be able to wipe that disaster area from my memory.) You in the pimp outfit and it isn’t Halloween? No. But I am curious to hear how yo bitches be frontin’. (another completely real photo. and I’m pretty sure it wasn’t a costume. just a mackin’ purple suit with a dope pink hat.)

So, anyway, user name done. Profile done. Photos uploaded. Now we browse. Or we wait. Or we browse while we wait.